Am I This Man?

For many years now I have been a devoted “AXE” man. AXE Body Wash sits in my shower stall in an array of scents: Phoenix, Vice, Snake Peel (complete with scrubbing beads), and Dark Temptation are just some of the specific varieties I myself choose. As I use my AXE products, my daily grooming routine becomes a sensual experience, where I am infused with invigorating energy and wonderful scents that open my mind to all sorts of possibilities. Imagine my chagrin, then, when I first spied the new ad campaign for my beloved AXE brand. Shame is what I felt, with more than a tad of actual embarrassment. Did I actually use these products so that I, too, might become a masculine beacon to women everywhere? Do I actually choose my body wash on the basis of how it makes me smell to females, in hopes that it would drive them to cling to me in droves? Since it seems unlikely, I must confess that I am one consumer who buys AXE products “in spite” of their ad campaigns.

Obviously the advertisers who authored this new AXE campaign had high hopes of raising sales among men across the globe by featuring, of all things, an emaciated man with a long, unkempt beard, dressed in rags who has been drifting alone on the ocean in a homemade raft. Three young, attractive, Coast Guard females, dressed in skimpy, non-issue uniforms, have rescued him and are now literally hanging on him, trying to get as close as possible. At first glance, it is hard to see how any woman could be attracted to this man. From the chest up, he is nothing but a ball of hair. His ribs are popping out and what is left of his pants are torn and stained. Since there is nothing on the raft but the man and a stick with a rag on the end, the audience must be tuned to the fact that this man has been long without a comb, or toothbrush, or company of any kind . But despite all of the negatives associated with this man’s grooming, these women obviously cannot get enough of him.

The overlying message in this advertisement is blatant: AXE products must be so long lasting that even though a man is stranded at sea for months, women will still be able to find him by the smell of his AXE and, even better, will still find him overwhelmingly attractive. The underlying assumption behind this advertising is just as obvious: men really want women to find them attractive. If what this ad implies is true, these are some very potent, long-lasting products. They would be worth whatever you had to pay for them. What man would not want to use them?

In most cases, these advertisers are exactly right in their assumption. Most men do want women to find them attractive. But what these advertisers did not take to heart and perhaps do not fully understand is that even though men want women to find them attractive, these same men do not want women to think they have perfumed, buffed or groomed themselves specifically for this cause. No, men want women to think that they are attractive and sweet-smelling all as a matter of course, just one of those strange facts of nature. Men do not want women to think they take specific and thought-out actions to attract them. And men do not want women to think this because if they do, it is all over. What woman would want a man who has perfumed himself up to appeal to her? The whole concept is just, for want of a better word, unmanly.

Somewhere in all of this complex psychology is the reason that this ad works on me in a negative fashion. Certainly I want to have a pleasant odor that women find attractive. I like that AXE products are able to do this for me and even though I doubt that they would last the many months and years that it would take me to grow a beard of the caliber on this specific ad’s model, I also like that the product has long-last effects. But I would be embarrassed if some woman thought I used these products so that I would be more attractive to her. I cringe at the very thought.

Perhaps this ad will appeal to men who are desperate and do not understand how far they must go to not look desperate. I also realize that it would appeal to a younger man who has not had the good sense yet to think the whole thing out. It might also have some effect on foreign men, who are not privy to the complex thinking of the average, American woman. But my own reaction to this ad, or any advertisement in the male grooming industry that attempts to sell me a product by convincing me that it will attract women, makes me want to give these advertisers a strong, hard shake. What in the world are they thinking? They should realize that women read these ads right along with us. I would never, ever, want a woman to know the artificial lengths I might go to in hopes of gaining her positive attention. These sort of advertisements “sell me out,” so to speak.

The latest AXE advertising campaign (http://www.theaxeeffect.com/) has made me leery of purchasing my favorite body wash at the local Wal-Mart. Will women who see me buying it think that I want to be one of those “smell-gooders” with women hanging all over them? Should I find another brand of body wash to purchase? Or perhaps I could just use duct tape to wrap around my bottles in the shower so that no one would be wiser to what I was actually using. This latest development has me in a bit of a kafuffle. What should I do? All I know for certain is this: I seemed to be a lot better off before AXE decided to label its users as women-hungry, girl-chasing, blatant womanizers who are downright desperate to make themselves smell better.
-Vneck Biker